"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
