Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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