I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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