My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
