if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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