FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
