dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
