Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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