This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
