The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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