Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
