DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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