Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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