The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
