So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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