Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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