my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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