I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
