I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
