I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
