Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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