we're blogging at a bar
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
