No, drunk sperm still make babies.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
