dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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