My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
