You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize