To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
