bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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