Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
