I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
