I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
