my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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