It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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