I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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