if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
