i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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