woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
