I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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