you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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