the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
