I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
