I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
