Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Semen is not good for contacts.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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