i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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