did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
