i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
