Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
