You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
