My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize