I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
