Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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