I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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