Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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