I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize