you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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