i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
