a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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