Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
