I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
