Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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