you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
