wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
