I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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