I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
