i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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