Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
