why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She bit a glass in half.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
