Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
